I'll Live Anyway

This is my dad singing a song he wrote called "I'll Live Anyway". The words speak for themselves but if you know someone who is struggling with an illness or if you are, this song is beyond inspirational! Enjoy!!

P.S. This cd will be out around Christmas (November)you can also find out more information about the group at:

I Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!!

Sorrow

This Blog is a HUGE step for me, I am a VERY private person and I felt led to share this with you. Maybe there is someone else out there going through some of the same things. Just know that God won't ever give us anything we can't handle!

These past few months have been a steady test for me. One trial and tribualtion after another. I had been unemployed for quite some time and we began struggling financially. I am the type of person that puts on a smile when I am crushing inside. I try and hide my fear or mostly my sadness. There are very few people that get to see me broken. As things have gotten tighter and tensions higher we eventually had to move in with my parents in hopes that we could get things "caught up". The thought of losing our house was hard because I felt like such a failure not to be able to provide that home for my kids. In fact we still have to pack things there because I haven't wanted to go back because the anxiety and heartache I feel there. Another hard part was moving in with my parents..."Hey mom I'm home and I brought 3 more people with me".My mom and I haven't had the best relationship so it was hard adjusting to things at first. There were a few times we "butted" heads but it aired some things neither of us knew about each other.

Our relationship now is more of a relationship rather than a quick hello and going our seperate ways. I am grateful for that because I have needed my mom more than I EVER have. I had also been having lots health problems and chronic pain after a couple of trips to the doctor I found out I had mono and arthritis. I have found a job but I have to say my boss isn't exactly the "easiest" person to work for. But I do get the joy of working with my best friend who in a heartbeat would be at my doorstep if I needed her. Friends like that are hard to find.

Needless to say we "thought" things financially would be considerably better after moving in with my parents but honestly I don't even know where to start sometimes. Today I called a bankruptcy lawyer at this point it seems its our only option.And to top it all my little (big) girl started KINDERGARTEN! I have really taken a heavy load these past few months and I am still standing tall. I feel like life is all about choices and I "choose" not to dwell on the things in my life I don't have and I "choose" to enjoy everything I DO have! Do I get down sometimes? of course! In fact tonight I was sitting here having a little pity party for myself and as I was looking online someone posted a video on facebook that touched my soul. It was actually a video called Audrey Caroline its on youtube. I got curious about the story regarding this little baby and found her mother has an amazing blog www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com it was EXACTLY what I needed. As I began reading I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw something move quickly out of my sight. I don't know how to describe this but I felt PEACE!! It was like God just gave me a hug and held me, at that point I finally just let the tears pour!

The most amazing thing about feeling broken is at the point in your situation where you feel the hand of God. I know there are tons of people out there just like me. And trust me I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me its the last thing I want. I just want you (if you are reading this) to know there IS someone else out there like you. Everything we touch may fall a part and we may feel alone but we aren't. God is always with us and sometimes I think God allows us to feel the pain so we can feel his Glory. Lately the only thing getting me to 5pm has been the thought of my two kids standing at the door screaming "mommy!" when I walk through the door. I love my evenings of snuggling with the two of them as they tell me ALL about their day! I just try and keep a smile and know he is still GOD!! I am keeping faith in this journey because I know it has to end somewhere.

Mark 4:39-40 3
9He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

40He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

I have faith!! Do you?

P.S. Please pray for us tommorow as we meet with the lawyer for the first time!