Having my first child at the age of 19 I was placed into that "Young Mother" category. You know the one, the label that gives almost everyone around you to criticize your parenting style or provide their advice even when they weren't asked. It's been "I think you guys should do it this way". As I have let alot of it just slide and realize everyone just wants the best for the kids, it brings the question what makes a good parent? I understand everyone has their opinion and I have respected it but it still won't make my parenting change. I don't know of any parent that didn't make mistakes but the thing about parenting is every child is different. No one has all the answers but we can just pray for guidance and know that God's watching and knows our hearts and sees our love.
I have said it once and I will say it a million times before in my opinion self confidence is the biggest gift you could give your child. My focus has always been giving my children the self confidence to be able to stand up to peer pressure and be comfortable with whom they are not what someone else wants them to be. Its something I wanted to instill very early on so when they started school then became pre-teens and then teenagers they didn't have to feel the need to get involved with the wrong crowds or be the class clown to "look cool". I just want them to be comfortable with themselves. Self confidence is the foundation to their healthy relationships, education, and careers.
But I am interested in what everyone elses idea of a good parent is? In my opinion it doesn't matter how you can eat off of your floors, or how you have made a schedule for every minute of everyday, or how you spent 24 hours a day teaching them words out of a dictionary. You could team them every language and prepare them beyond belief for college and think your child is going to successful because you have raised them to be smart. The truth is, I know tons of kids like that but they never went to college. There parents trained them for college but they fell into the wrong crowds and decided they were now adults and no longer had to follow the strenuous schedule of studying everyday.
I once had a friend tell me that he wanted his daughter to believe she was better than everyone. It sent a chill down my spine to hear that. That is where teaching them the difference of arrogance and self confidence. Also teaching a child to respect others. I strive for my kids to understand they can do anything they put their minds to but also for them to understand they are no better than anyone. We are all the same we just all make different choices for our lives. Ones choice may be great for them but completely wrong for you. It doesn't make them less of a human. The most important thing is ones happiness.
As far as discipline goes I try to discipline my kids based on the circumstance (and age). My son whom is two usually gets sent to "time out", only long enough for him to know he is in trouble and give him time to correct his behavior. I then go to him and explain to him why he is in trouble, if it is for hitting or pulling his sister hair then I make him apologize and give her a hug. Now it has become almost automatic for him he goes right over to her and hugs her and says "sorry sissy". For my daughter who is five she usually gets sent to her room with no television. The same goes for her too I go to her and then she must apologize to whomever she hurt.
My kids are not the quiet little kids that are always polite or that have every hair in their head in place. In fact, they are rarely quiet but to me and my husband they are perfect. They are happy, active, loving, and healthy kids. To end this I want to say I think a good parent is the kind of parent that just gives their child all the unconditional love they can imagine. Our parents could have never prepared us for all the obstacles we were going to take and I know I can't do that for my kids either. But in the meantime I'm just going to do what I know how...Love them!!
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
-- Charles R. Swindoll
P.S. Encourage your kids non stop. Remember every positive thing you say to them there will be someone else saying two negative things. Be the best you know how to be and don't stress over everyone elses "scheduling or discipline". God knows your heart and that's all that matters!!
1 comment:
I too had my first child at 19. He had abnormalities similar to trisomy 13, or Patu's syndrom. He was never given the chance to experience life... I then had my second child at the age of 20. I too am a "young mother." In fact, I believe we are around the same age. Anyway, I had to laugh at how you punish your 2 yr. old b/c that is how I punish both of my children. They go in time out for a while until they calm down. I then make them say "sorry", and give each other a hug and kiss. As for "what is a good parent?"... A good parent is someone that lives for their children and not for themselves. A good Christian parent is one that puts God first. A good Christian parent is one that always listens to God no matter how hard it is. A good parent is one that "practices what they preach", and does not go by "do as I say, not as I do"... But, yes LOVE is always very high on the list! What would Christ be without love? What would a Christian be without love? From what I've read on your blog, you are an AWESOME mother! It's so refreshing to know that there are people like you in the world... Sometimes I feel that I'm alone. So many people that I was once friends with abandon their children to do things that satisfy only themselves. I've only been away from my children a few times for a couple hours while my mother watched the children so my husband and I could go on a date... But, from what you write I can tell that your children are number one.. THAT is what makes you a great parent!
God Bless. Have an awesome night!
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