What is a Good Parent?

Having my first child at the age of 19 I was placed into that "Young Mother" category. You know the one, the label that gives almost everyone around you to criticize your parenting style or provide their advice even when they weren't asked. It's been "I think you guys should do it this way". As I have let alot of it just slide and realize everyone just wants the best for the kids, it brings the question what makes a good parent? I understand everyone has their opinion and I have respected it but it still won't make my parenting change. I don't know of any parent that didn't make mistakes but the thing about parenting is every child is different. No one has all the answers but we can just pray for guidance and know that God's watching and knows our hearts and sees our love.

I have said it once and I will say it a million times before in my opinion self confidence is the biggest gift you could give your child. My focus has always been giving my children the self confidence to be able to stand up to peer pressure and be comfortable with whom they are not what someone else wants them to be. Its something I wanted to instill very early on so when they started school then became pre-teens and then teenagers they didn't have to feel the need to get involved with the wrong crowds or be the class clown to "look cool". I just want them to be comfortable with themselves. Self confidence is the foundation to their healthy relationships, education, and careers.

But I am interested in what everyone elses idea of a good parent is? In my opinion it doesn't matter how you can eat off of your floors, or how you have made a schedule for every minute of everyday, or how you spent 24 hours a day teaching them words out of a dictionary. You could team them every language and prepare them beyond belief for college and think your child is going to successful because you have raised them to be smart. The truth is, I know tons of kids like that but they never went to college. There parents trained them for college but they fell into the wrong crowds and decided they were now adults and no longer had to follow the strenuous schedule of studying everyday.

I once had a friend tell me that he wanted his daughter to believe she was better than everyone. It sent a chill down my spine to hear that. That is where teaching them the difference of arrogance and self confidence. Also teaching a child to respect others. I strive for my kids to understand they can do anything they put their minds to but also for them to understand they are no better than anyone. We are all the same we just all make different choices for our lives. Ones choice may be great for them but completely wrong for you. It doesn't make them less of a human. The most important thing is ones happiness.

As far as discipline goes I try to discipline my kids based on the circumstance (and age). My son whom is two usually gets sent to "time out", only long enough for him to know he is in trouble and give him time to correct his behavior. I then go to him and explain to him why he is in trouble, if it is for hitting or pulling his sister hair then I make him apologize and give her a hug. Now it has become almost automatic for him he goes right over to her and hugs her and says "sorry sissy". For my daughter who is five she usually gets sent to her room with no television. The same goes for her too I go to her and then she must apologize to whomever she hurt.

My kids are not the quiet little kids that are always polite or that have every hair in their head in place. In fact, they are rarely quiet but to me and my husband they are perfect. They are happy, active, loving, and healthy kids. To end this I want to say I think a good parent is the kind of parent that just gives their child all the unconditional love they can imagine. Our parents could have never prepared us for all the obstacles we were going to take and I know I can't do that for my kids either. But in the meantime I'm just going to do what I know how...Love them!!

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
-- Charles R. Swindoll

P.S. Encourage your kids non stop. Remember every positive thing you say to them there will be someone else saying two negative things. Be the best you know how to be and don't stress over everyone elses "scheduling or discipline". God knows your heart and that's all that matters!!

Trinity Gospel Trio

My dad is a part of a gospel group called Trinity Gospel Trio. They have been singing together for about a year and we are amazed by the many doors God has opened for them. This month they will be featured in "Christian Voice Magazine" and they are in the process of recording their debut album. My dad always knew his calling was to sing and share the gospel but he always struggled to find his place. He once was singing in a group called Hamm & Humphries and they were a secular country group. They traveled to Nashville had a recording contract, made a video, and were locally singing a good bit. But the peices never fit, they weren't singing songs with cursing and they were all very clean country songs because they were both men of Christ but the demands were becoming evident. The group was being requested at bars and parties and the guys quickly reminded themselves this is not where they wanted to be as a whole. So the band broke up after much money spent.

At that point my dad kind of lost his spirit, my grandmother (his biggest fan) had just lost her battle with cancer very suddenly. We moved away from his hometown because he needed that fresh start. Daddy became the music minister at a small church in our new town which is also where I met my husband. After 4 years I decided I wanted to move back to our hometown and a year later my parents followed. Here, my dad struggled to see what God truly wanted him to do. He knew it was some sort of ministry and he always believed it was music better he never felt in place or it would seem things would fall a part as he got settled. So after a few years home my parents had started a going to a church in Reform, AL it was very small. After a few months at the church the pastor went through some hardships and had to resigns the church then asked my father to fill in as pastor here and there. They were considering him as a full-time pastor but things again started slowly but surely not working out. Dad continued doing solos at the church here and there and went to a couple church homecomings elsewhere and sang. He met with a friend from his youth group years named Kenny and he had been working with a group called the Capstone Quartet as a fill in and also doing solos. May 10, 2008 my father got a call Kenny asking if he could sing at a homecoming at Eternal Faith Church because the church had a few cancellations and needed singers.

While in the church parking lot Dad, Kenny, and Rodney practiced a couple of songs together and things just clicked. The harmony was amazing. They started getting requests to sing together before they had even formed the group. Soon after much prayer they all agreed they felt this is was God's will. They began getting many requests to sing and things just snowballed from there. John Lanier was performing at a church and heard the group and asked if they would come to the SGM fanfair in Pigeon Forge, TN and compete for a recording time in the studio. After prayer they decided to go and just have fun and share God's word. Surprisingly they ended up winning and this past week traveled to Kentucky to begin recording their debut album. My dad has written a couple of songs that will be on it, one that they are really excited about called "I'll Live Anyway". Its a song about someone struggling a disease such as cancer, which is near and dear to us because my dad lost both parents to cancer and currently my mom's father is fighting lung cancer.

I wanted to share this because it has been amazing to me seeing God open door after door because they followed His will and not their own. They were never looking for a group but each just trying to figure out which path the Lord was taking them on. I am very excited to see what else God has in store for Trinity and I know the song "I'll Live Anyway" is going to be such a ministry for those struggling. For more information about bookings or if you would like Trinity Gospel Trio to attend your event you can visit the website www.trinitygospeltrio.com .And be sure to look for them in the July issue of "Christian Voice Magazine".

God's Purpose

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:20-22

Do you listen to God's purpose or do you follow what you "feel" like you should do. God tells us that to everything there is a reason and even non christians use this term often. I followed my mind and what I thought was the best decisions for me for a long time without consulting God and I seemed disappointed with the outcome the majority of the time. But EVERYTIME I took the time to pray and ask for Gods guidance and I followed his guidance I felt satisfied and the things in my life began to come easier. I am learning to walk by faith and not fear. I cast my cares to him but it takes more than just praying about things I have to walk in faith that God is going to be there and show me the way. We never know what tommorow beholds and how the devil is going to try and attack us but as long as we hold our heads up and fall to our knees and have faith we can move mountains and people can be raised from the dead. I have a joy in my heart that nobody could give me except God. Thank him everyday for your blessings and walk by faith in him.

A Mothers NICU Prayer

I kept you in my womb as long as I could.
Praying that things would turn out like they should.

I'd never imagine we'd end up here.
Everyone keeps trying to calm my fears.

The Doctors say everything should be alright.
But still here I am sleepless tonight.

What a precious little warrior are you.
Fighting for your life and I am praying you won't lose.

God is healing your body right now, even though the doctors believe they know how.

Until I take you to your crib at night, I will be here at the hospital praying by your side.

-Charity Humphries-Meads

One of the hardest things I have ever gone through was seeing my son Brayden fight for his life in the NICU. I praise God everyday for allowing me to put Brayden in his crib every night. I am not the best at writing but at the time I wrote this it just felt good to handle my emotions this way. My ultimate goal for posting this is to try and find supporters for the March of Dimes and other Charities that support premature babies. I believe one of the most important things for mothers is education. Women need to be educated about the dangers and how important it is to listen to your doctors and if you feel like your Doctor is wrong don't be afraid to seek other advice. I began having contractions very early with Brayden and my doctor kept telling me it was just Braxton Hicks. There were other signs that were happening that my doctors kept blowing me off. I knew something was not right. The problem was I trusted their advice and didn't seek any other. You can't go back and change things once the baby is out. Ask questions even if you feel it might be dumb. Ask, it's what the Dr. is paid for. Don't be afraid to call after hours if you feel there is something you feel is important. The picture above is after Brayden had most of his tubes out. The hardest part was not only seeing him on the ventilator but not being able to hold him for 2 weeks. It felt like eternity! But, please take the time to join the March of Dimes group and if you can, donate.

Mommy Daughter Day 5-29-2009

Today I declared "Mommy and Savana Day" filled with all the stuff us girls love to do. The day started off with Savana and I going to a local place call All Fired Up. It is a ceramic place where they have tons of different things to paint. Savana chose a horse and I chose a plate. It was so fun just to sit, paint, talk, and giggle.You could tell she felt so grown up and truth be told she is growing up to fast. When we finished we both were in the mood to paint more but decided to come back another day. We turned in our ceramics, Savana thanked the store clerk and we left.

After that she asked if we could go to the mall because she wanted a pink dress. When we got to the mall she fell in love with a hot pink one peice swimsuit with sparkles. It looked identical to one I had at her age and it was always my favorite.We went in shop after shop and she said "mommy none of these have earrings I want my ears pierced". Savana has had her ears pierced two times before and they grew back because she was a baby and wouldn't let me touch them. I asked three or four or fifty times are you sure? She kept saying Yes over and over. So I knew we better go now or she will never want to do this again.

So we went to the ear piercing store and I could tell she was nervous. As they were gathering the scary looking supplies she and I went and looked around at all the pretty earrings and tryed on some funny hats. Finally the moment arrived, she sat up in the chair so big. There were two ladies so they could do them both at the same time. Well they went one two... one snapped and the other didn't. Savana said Ahhh and then finally the other lady snapped. I just knew I was about to have a daughter with one earring. When she realized it was over she grinned from ear to ear. She didn't even cry, but I did. This was a big decision for her and she did it! I was so proud of her and it made me realize how big she is getting.The ladies apologized to us for not getting them at the same time but Savana just thanked them both. She stood in front of the mirror in the store for at least 20 minutes just smiling so happy and proud of herself. She called everyone and boastfully told them "I got my ears pierced!".

After we left the ear piercing store we went to Academy Sports. I had to get some new flip flops and Brayden needed a better float for the pool. She was so well behaved and well mannered. I can't get over how good she was all day. At Academy she again thanked the clerk.

Once we got home she of course showed EVERYONE her earrings and new bathing suit. It was 7:00 but I knew she really wanted to try that bathing suit out so I took her swimming. She played so well, there was a couple there that had a beach ball and they gave it to her. They left pretty quickly and Savana said "mommy that man left and I didn't get to tell him thank you for the beach ball. Maybe he will be here tommorow so I can tell him."

After an hour of swimming we came home ate a bowl of cereal and she helped me fold clothes. At bedtime we read her two favorite books, snuggled, and talked. She kept saying how much fun she had and how she LOVED those earrings.

In raising kids I have always said I want my children to be polite,self confident, and caring of others feelings. It was so awesome today to hear Savana tell everyone Thank you and yes ma'am, no ma'am. I feel self confidence is soo important especially for a girl. I think if a child has self confidence then they won't follow in the peer pressure as much as the other kid trying to fit in. A self confident child or teenager is happy in his/her own skin not in someone elses. There is a difference in self confidence and arrogance and its a fine line. That is where caring and being polite falls in place. I tell Savana all the time no matter if someone is big, small, tall, short, different looking they are beautiful.

Job 22:21-30
21 "Submit to God and be at peace with him;
in this way prosperity will come to you.

22 Accept instruction from his mouth
and lay up his words in your heart.

23 If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored:
If you remove wickedness far from your tent

24 and assign your nuggets to the dust,
your gold of Ophir to the rocks in the ravines,

25 then the Almighty will be your gold,
the choicest silver for you.

26 Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty
and will lift up your face to God.

27 You will pray to him, and he will hear you,
and you will fulfill your vows.

28 What you decide on will be done,
and light will shine on your ways.

29 When men are brought low and you say, 'Lift them up!'
then he will save the downcast.

30 He will deliver even one who is not innocent,
who will be delivered through the cleanness of your hands."

There are alot of kids that are into being popular because they feel it defines them. I never want my child to be popular because she was mean or put on a pedestal because of his/her looks. If my child becomes popular I want it to be because she is friendly to everyone. I don't want Savana to be self consumed and be arrogant I want her to see beauty in everyone. I see the politeness part and I see her being friendly to other children. I don't ever speak about another persons appearance because I know how that feels to be made fun of something you can't change.I'm not saying I never did do that but I don't ever now. And if you catch yourself saying something about someones appearance in front of your child you are teaching them its ok.

Savana and I had an AWESOME day and I look forward to so many more. She just kept thanking me and saying "no stinky boys around just you and me mommy". It made me realize she and I need that time. It was so refreshing. And when Brayden gets old enough he and I will have Mommy and Brayden day.

Memorial Day

There could never be enough holidays to thank all of the men and women who have fought for our rights to freedom. My prayers and thoughts are with families whose lives were lost or will be lost. Our troops are incredible men and women who are willing to lay down their lives for the sake of our Country! Thats is so amazing to me.There is not near enough support for them and yet they get up every day and put those boots on and fight.



Savana asked me what Memorial Day is, it was tough to explain to a 5 year old that many people have died just so we could have the freedom to do all the things we do. But she listened and got as much as she could out of the conversation. Today to celebrate we did the typical American thing, went to a friends house and swam, ate ribs, and enjoyed good company. The kids had a blast and I am sure they will both sleep VERY well tonight. Tommorow I am going to get Savana to draw a picture and we will mail it overseas. I really want my children to be grateful for everything they are given and Freedom is the greatest gift of all.

Life Goals

Today was an awesome day with two hilarious kids. My son Brayden whom is two has learned the song "This little light of mine". Well I should say he has learned parts of it. He has been walking around singing

"shine, shine, shine, shine"

and every once in a while you will hear a "phew" (he won't let Satan blow it out!). It is the cutest thing ever! But every time he starts singing it is a reminder to me I can't let Satan blow my light out either. Great lesson from a two year old. But I know God put those words on his lips and I am grateful for them.

I was married at the age of 18 and a mother to my daughter at the age of 19. I thought like any TEENager that I was ready for motherhood but I wasn't. I had already quit school and "intended" on going back. Every year it got tougher and tougher or maybe just more excuses came along. Six years later here I am a mother of two and no college education to count for. So I have decided I AM going back to school this year. I really want to prove to my children you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. Not only that but I hope I can be a role model for other moms that are in the same situation I am in. Because lets face it the last thing us mothers think about is ourselves. But this is the most non selfish thing a mother OR father can do.

It's going to be difficult but what isn't? I am excited and for the first time in a REALLY long time I am proud of myself. My goal is to finish with a business degree and one day open a Charity (ironic, I know). I want to be able to help other parents with getting back to school. I want the Charity to focus on single parents that don't have help such as babysitters. I want to help with providing a safe haven for the family, financial counseling, childcare, study groups/tutoring, and job interview classes, job hunting assistance. When the schooling and program is over I want to assist with purchasing their first home. It's a dream but I am a dreamer and my mind is set.

I know what it is like not to have time to study and I have a husband. I can only imagine for a single parent trying to work and go to school what it must be like. I want them to have hope they can go back to school. The financial counseling is important to me because I don't feel like alot of people are not prepared to be homeowners until they have more education about money. Being a homeowner is a big investment and to most it is just a dream. But I want it to be a reality and give people something to work hard for.

I know with enough support from my family and friends (and bloggers), I can get through school and accomplish my dream goal of my own Charity. So I am going to keep dreaming and never give up, not this time.